Things That Scare Me

23 01 2012

24 Stats To Crush Anyone Who Thinks America Has A Bright Economic Future

Americans Keep Cars Longer Than Ever

It’s happening people. It’s the beginning of the end. It has been for quite some time. But the collapse is like a tumor. First it’s just one mutated cell. But then it divides and grows, next thing you know it’s a lump the size of a pea. Now, if you are observant or lucky, you notice the pea-sized lump and do something to get rid of it. Less observant people won’t notice the tumor until it is much larger, and a few unlucky ones will never notice it, and live on in denial as it grows and consumes them.

The collapse is just like that.

It’s funny. I can remember being a kid, maybe 10 years old and thinking of my future. I never once believed I would grow up in the same world as my parents. I always felt so sad about my future. It felt bleak even when I was young. Sometimes I would just start crying for no reason. I learned to do that in private after it freaked my mom out. She thought something was wrong with me, or I had some bad secret I wasn’t sharing. I just felt sad because my world didn’t feel rosy and full of promise. It felt tired, and used up and short on time.

It turns out I was right. We are finally short on time and we are also short on resources. Welcome to a new, peak world, kids. Our predecessors raped and pillaged this planet, and left us with so many messes to clean up, where do we even start? And how do we stop it from getting any worse? You think because you are 40, 50, 60 or 80 you’ve lived, and you have rights to keep doing things the way you’ve always done them, because that’s the way you’ve always done them. Guess what, your refusal to change, grow and learn is what got us into this mess in the first place.

I will never be a rich woman, and I am okay with that. But what if I can’t afford to buy land in the next 5 years? What if 5 years is too late? I’ll be lucky if I can ever consider myself “middle class.” I am a farmer at heart, and I am trying to be a farmer in real life. That means I will probably work very hard for very little money for most of my life.

I don’t want much, nothing fancy, just a good life for my daughter and future generations. We all deserve to live in a good, healthy, clean world, to hear birds chirp in the morning, breathe fresh, crisp air and drink clean water.

I’m scared that I am out of time. What if I can’t learn enough skills and get the right tools to keep my family alive and healthy? What about my livestock? I don’t know how to grow, cut, dry and store my own hay. I saw a youtube video once, but that in no way makes me qualified to go out and try. But I have to try, and hope that I get it right.

I have to believe I have enough time to learn what I need to. Otherwise the fear will immobilize me.




3 responses

23 01 2012
Joel Caris

I can understand that fear. I feel it too, though it sounds like you feel it more acutely. Which seems understandable, considering you have a child. I agree it seems we’re about out of time, but then, I think things will also just keep chugging along. It’ll be harder, and there will be less, and the chaos will become greater, but there will still be some kind of framework to work within and if you know what you’re doing and why–which it seems you do–then you’re probably going to be a bit more ahead of the game then most other people.

Or maybe that’s all just a bunch of comforting pablum. Hopefully not.

I hope you’re able to buy land, but even if you’re not, I bet you’ll find a place. I’ve largely given up on the idea of buying land, which was something that seemed important to me in the last few years. I still love the idea, I just don’t think it’s going to happen. But I’ve been slowly finding a place and I’m optimistic that trend will continue. In that context, I think the right land can come along and your place on it can be had, even if you don’t own it. There are a lot of options out there for someone like you who gets what is going on, has a good grasp of how to deal with the future, and knows how to knit and raise goats. I bet those options will only increase as things get harder.

Still, the future’s scary, indeed. I think about how fragile everything I have is, how quickly things could fall apart around me under the right circumstances–circumstances that seem more likely every day–and I can’t help but have a certain amount of fear. But I don’t know what else to do but keep working, keep reorienting my mind to this new world, keep learning how to live well with less, keep trying to live a bit better each day.

Took me awhile to get over to your blog, but I’ve really been liking what I’ve read. Hope you keep writing. I like your perspective.

24 01 2012

Thanks Joel! I’ve really been enjoying reading your blog as well. I can almost always relate to your posts in way that makes you feel like an old friend. It seems strange that we have never run into each other considering how similarly we view the world around us. But then, I think there is a growing community of people that see the world without the rose-colored glasses the government force-feeds us daily.

My perspective on how scary the world feels definitely changed a lot once my daughter was born. It just seems so much bigger and more dangerous now than it ever did. But I feel honored to live in this place and time and perhaps be one of the lucky few who can help guide people towards a better way of living. If I can model and live a good life for my children, I can live a good life and teach others how to as well.

26 01 2012
Joel Caris

If you had been down in the Portland area at some point, we probably would know each other. I’ve had all kinds of weird connections there–which I think as much as anything is just a function of being in similar social circles.

I am hoping to head up to Seattle perhaps in March to see a friend and go visit my old farm on Whidbey Island. I’m always open to checking out new places and meeting new friends.

As odd and absurd and scary as our world can be, I do think there’s something special about living here now. I hope that I’m able at some point to help people out through the transitions I expect we’ll be going through. That would be pretty amazing.

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