Where to Next?

5 11 2008

I knew when I came to Washington state that my stay with my step-parents would be temporary. At first it was going to be a few days, then weeks, and then weeks morphed into months. I wasn’t sure where I was going next. It seemed that I had an open invitation here to stay as long as I needed in order to figure things out. It seemed that way at least. My step-mom and I even talked about me staying with them until next summer so I could pay down my debt.

Well, in the last week or so, difficulties have begun to surface. No, it wasn’t paradise here to begin with. My step-mom is a very controlling person. And for some reason, they continue to fail to see me as an adult. One day they treat me like I’m 17, and the next they treat me like I’m 27. It’s maddening. Granted, I’m not working hard right now. I’m holding down a less-than-40 hours per week job working at walmart. But I’ve managed to pay down several bills. I’ve found a little piece of myself. I’ve realized that I should not be in a relationship right now. My boyfriend and I broke up a little over two months ago, and the healing process has been slow, it even stalled several times. But I realized that I was the one stalling it because I was so afraid to move forward. Forward is scary and exciting and unknown. The past has already happened, but it was also safe and comforting. I know I now need to find a way to be comforted by the unknown, instead of fearing it. By fearing the present and the future I am shutting myself off to so many possibilities.

I’ve also discovered that the thing I am yearning for most at this juncture in my life is community. I desire to feel like I belong to something bigger than myself. Hopefully I will find a way towards that path.

So thanks to a little bit of self-discovery, and the fact that my step-parents have given me until the end of January to figure out where I’m going next… I have to figure out where I’m going next. I’m looking into cohousing and intentional communities. I am also giving some consideration to moving to Sacramento to live with my sister. So in a way, living with my sister would still be considered cohousing. I am not sure which way I will go. I am considering Sacramento, Seattle, Olympia, Portland and Eugene. I suppose I should have that narrowed down a lot more in the following 6 weeks or so. If I move out of Washington, I am going to have a lot more work to get done. Namely: repair my car, pay my car off, fix my bike (esp. if I move to Portland). Or I can just say fuck it and move to a bike friendly city without my car at all. It’s not like I NEED my car. It’s just a really nice luxury item. A luxury item that will cost a lot more to maintain than a bike will. Hmm.

I hate to mention this too, but… I do want to end up in Oregon at some point anyhow. I want to build a cob house someday, and I think Oregon will be the perfect pace to do that!

Here’s some pics from my life:

PINK HAIR!!!

PINK HAIR!!!

Fern

Fern

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One response

13 11 2008
bryan

glad you’re OK and getting it figured out. keep pedaling.

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