Wow. Just, wow.

19 10 2008

Hey. I am sure I have lost all of my readers at his point. I am basically starting new with an old blog. Oh well. I have been through some pretty transformative things in the last few months. Sometimes I find it hard to write when I am going through so much.

So anyhow. At the end of August/beginning of September, I moved to the Seattle area from Omaha via Amtrak. I met some pretty cool people along the way, most notably Lisa. She was moving from NY to OR to take a 6 week class on local food production. I had a pretty rough train ride all told though. I had broken up with my boyfriend of three years when I stepped onto the train.

It took my five days to get to Seattle, and I immediately moved in with my step-dad and step-mom. Let me tell you. Moving cross country, ending a long term relationship, and moving back in with your parents all in a week is a hard thing to do. I ended up leaving my dog with my boyfriend. I didn’t have a choice at the time, and I ended up deciding it would be better for everyone in the long run if the puppy just stayed out there. At least now I have an excuse to visit Scott.

I’ve been depressed and homesick. A lot. Like, every single day. I am planning on staying here in Washington for at least a year. I want to FINALLY get all of my debt paid off. I’m well on my way… Well, sort of. I’ve already paid off one bill, cut one in half, and have plans to pay off two more in the following two weeks. I have no reason to stay in Seattle besides learning how to take control of my life. I’ve been a passive aggressive bitch for quite a while now. I was frivolous with my money, and I lie when I am uncomfortable. I guess moving in with my parents is a little like adult boot camp.

My step-parents are pretty great. They are letting me stay with them for free, as long as I keep working on my bills and debt. My step-mom even helped me make a budget that I can live with, and get 80% of my debt paid back in 10 months. Hopefully I can do it sooner. As soon as I only have my student loans and my cell phone bill to pay every month, I am moving back to Nebraska. Me and Fern (my band new puppy; I’ll get to her later) are going to drive.

I am buying my mom’s old car from my step-parents. All I have to do is fix her up a little. It doesn’t need much, probably about $500 in repairs that I will be able to spread out and do as I can afford it. It needs an oil change, a front end alignment and tire rotation (I think it will also need new tires next year), there is some work that needs to be done to the bearings in the heating system. Also, the front windshield needs to be replaced. Whoever replaced it last time didn’t do it right, and now it’s cracked all over. Lastly, and I know this isn’t exactly a repair, but my car needs a bike rack. Now I just have to decide if it needs a top of the car bike-rack, or a behind the car/trunk bike-rack. Any thoughts?

So as for my new puppy. When I realized Loki wasn’t coming out to Washington to be with me, I immediately started looking for a new puppy. Look, I know having a puppy complicates things a lot. But I am out here, working my ass off (sometimes 7 days a week). I needed a distraction in my down time. I’m super lonely right now. I left ALL of my friends, including my two closest friends in the whole world, behind when I moved. I’m not like a  lot of people. I made only a handful of friends in the 5 years that I lived in Nebraska. Making new friends doesn’t come easily to me, but I like having people and things to take care of.Which is how Fern came into my life. She is a 10 week old, chocolate and white, long haired chihuahua.
She has the best personality and greatest disposition in the world. I can’t believe how smart and how quickly she learns either. I enrolled her in puppy kindergarten. Tuesday we will be in our third week, and just about half way done with the class. So. Yeah.

I am hoping (and working really hard to make sure it happens) that I will be able to drive back to Omaha next August. I will ship my stuff freight via Amtrak again. You just can’t beat the price they charge. And I really don’t have that much stuff. In fact. I’ll be shipping even less than I did last time since I will have my car to move things as well (my bike comes to mind).

I am flying out to Omaha for 5 days in November to celebrate the holidays and my birthday early with my friends. I did buy a round trip ticket, and I am boarding my puppy, so I promise I will be coming back. Believe me, I have already thought seriously about just staying. But I can’t do that yet.

I also want to see Scott. I want to hug him, hold him, and tell him I’m a fool. He is the love of my life. And not to totally steal a cheesy line out of a movie, but he is the love of my life. And I know that because “my soul recognizes it’s counterpoint in Scott.” It’s stupid and cheesy. But I am still in love with him. I don’t want to ever love anyone else. ANYONE. I only want Scott. And it’s killing me that we are so far apart. I want to try to have a long distance relationship, if he will give me one last chance. I don’t know if he will ever take me back. I don’t know if he still loves me or wants me. But I have to ask him.

I have to mature in the next year, and prove to him that I deserve him in my life. I have to have a budget, stick to it, pay all my bills off and on time. I have a plan. I just hope that the man is willing. But at the same time, I can’t seem too eager, too available, too needy. There is no fun if there is no chase. Which means I will continue to work as much as possible, stay busy, pay my crap off, save up money for the move. After all my bills are paid, I need enough money to live on for at least 8 weeks, including money to get my own apartment. I might have to stay with my girlfriend for a week or two until I get my own place.




3 responses

22 10 2008

Glad to see you’re still alive! I was starting to worry about you!

4 11 2008

hey sweets. congrats on the new blog and the new place!
I know it gets lonesome at times. I’ve been there.
Just look up.

18 12 2008


I’ve never read your blogs before, but I really enjoyed reading this post. I know how it feels to have your blog thrive only to tumble down. Oh well. Anyway, I hope everything works out for you.


A. Tremaine

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