I Might be a Little Sick in the Head

3 06 2008

Date: June 3, 2008

Mileage: 4.4

June Mileage: 11.0

Year to Date Mileage: 348.8

Temp/Weather: 80’s, muggy, sticky and humid

In My Mug: I am so sick of water…

So I had to go to the grocery store yesterday after work. As I was getting on my bike to head out from work, I realized I had left all my monies at home. D’oh! So I rode home, unloaded my bike from my work stuff, and then headed back out to the grocery store.

I was very frugal in my shopping, managing to come away with enough groceries to feed Scott and I for 4 nights, and spending $44.00. I got home, opened up my packages of chicken breasts, and realize I had bought a package of rotten chicken. Fortunately, I ended up not needing it, and returned it to the grocery, getting my $6 and change back. So, 4 nights worth of dinners actually only cost me $38 dollars. Rock on, me!

I am normally not such a penny pincher when it comes to my grocery shopping, but a couple of unexpected expenses really cut into my grocery budget until next payday. Like, having to shell out $50 to replace a tire on a car that I own, but don’t drive, so that I can sell it. And going out and drinking half the booze in Omaha on Saturday night.

Anyways, I have this hang up about food. I am sure I know where it came from, too. Let me share with you. When we (my brother, sister and I) were very young, my dad had this crazy girlfriend. Like, crazy crazy. She wouldn’t let us eat breakfast on the weekends until she and my dad got up, but they routinely wouldn’t wake up until close to lunch time. So we would send my sister to sneak into the kitchen, and bring back whatever she could “steal” for us. This is the same crazy lady that would laugh at us when we said things like “I’m hungry” or “I’m thirsty.” Se would always reply with “Hi hungry,” or “Hi, thirsty.” She would make us say stupid sh!t like “I have hunger.” How messed up is that? I was the oldest, and I was in 3rd and 4th grades while we lived with her. She would send my brother (1 year younger than me) to bed without dinner if he didn’t hold his spoon or fork “properly.”

As you can imagine, this resulted in some serious food issues/trauma for my siblings and me. I am not too sure how it affected my brother, but it has turned my sister and I into lifelong food horders. My sister would steal food from her our mom’s house and hide it in her bedroom for “just in case.”

I, on the other hand, have over full pantries, cupboards, fridge, and freezers. Literally. We don’t have room for more most of the time. And if I don’t have money to buy food, even if we are well stocked (which we almost always are), I have mini panic attacks that we are going to go hungry before my next payday.

So yesterday, I was talking myself down from a panic attack that my boyfriend and I were going to starve before I could afford groceries again. I started off by listing everything I could sell in the house to buy food if I had to. (Crazy? Me?) Then I started listing out what I had in the cupboards. I started with my protein sources, and, just to give you an idea, I will list them for you:

  • 1-12 pound pork butt roast (frozen)
  • 3-4 pound packs of chicken wings (frozen)
  • 4 pounds of ground beef (frozen)
  • 1 whole trout (frozen)
  • 1-2 pound slab of salmon (frozen)
  • 6 cans of tuna fish
  • 10 mason jars of dried beans and lentils
  • 3 pounds of assorted steaks (frozen)

Ok, I know I am forgetting more, like cheeses (probably close to 2 pounds of assorted cheeses in the fridge). Look, writing this out makes me realize how silly and crazy it sounds from the outside. Maybe that is why I am sharing it with all of you. I have an entire cupboard of baking products, 20 pounds of flour plus more, and entire cupboard of pastas, grains, and sauces.

I’m not really sure why I shared this with you. I just felt like I needed to. Heck, maybe, if one of you understands it, can you explain it to my boyfriend? He really doesn’t get it, and is always complaining about how much food we have when I say there is nothing to eat in the house.




One response

4 06 2008

I love you honey and am so sorry this happened when you were little. Your aunts and I too have food issues from when we were little. My mom, your grandma, went through the depression and she was obsessive in so many ways about food. What you are doing by laying it out in black and white is very useful to seeing it for what it really is. Hugs and kisses.

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