Thinking Type of Thoughts

18 05 2008

Date: May 18, 2008

Mileage: 19.0

May Mileage: 107.6

Year to Date Mileage: 315.2

Temp/Weather: 77F, sunny

At what point does a person decide that love isn’t enough? How does someone walk away from a perfectly good relationship just because, well, she has her reasons.

This person has lived in a city she didn’t want to live in the first place for almost five years now. She followed her husband out to this city with their one year old daughter. This meant she had to move away from her entire family, the place where she grew up, the place she loved as much as she loved her daughter.

About a year after the big move, this woman’s life fell apart. Her already shaky marriage crumbled completely. She was tired of her life revolving only around her husband. She had married him too young, gotten pregnant too young. She met someone else that made he feel appreciated and loved. This caring person brought a feeling of life back into her that she hadn’t felt in years, so she left her husband and young daughter for this new man.

Things with the new man were shaky for quite a while, understandably so considering the events surrounding their relationship.

Then things started to get better. She started pestering this new man to marry her, and to have babies with her. They were deeply in love, so she thought this was a reasonable next step.

Then one day she woke up and realized she might be making a huge mistake. Maybe the only reason she was pestering the man to marry her was so that she would have an excuse to not move back to her home town.

So now she is faced with the decision of what to do. Stay in a great relationship, but be unhappy living in a place she hates, or end the great relationship and move back to the place that her heart longs for daily.

This woman loves this man as much as she loved her daughter, and as much as she loves her mother. If she decides to leave this man, it will be in her top three of difficult decisions in her life, after leaving her husband, and letting her ex-husband’s new wife adopt her daughter.

But this woman misses so many things about the place where she grew up, like the ferries, the smell of the ocean, the cries of the seagulls, the smell of pine, the rain, being able to rock climbing, hiking, backpacking and camping in the mountains whenever she wanted, the dog park that she imagines is exactly like dog heaven.

The only reason she still lives in a place she hates is because of the man she loves. But she can’t ask the man to move far away to a new place, because it would put the man in the same position that she is in now, in a few years. She isn’t willing to expect him to completely uproot himself for her happiness.

This woman gets herself into a lot of trouble when she goes on long bike rides to sort out her thoughts.

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