I Dream About Tornados and Newborns

8 05 2008

Last night I had a dream. I dreamt that my sister and I were at my house. I think we were somewhere in the Midwest. It was a town I have never actually lived in, but I knew it by sight in the dream. We were both there with young babies. She had a daughter and I had a son. The babies were quite small, infants/newborns. There was a storm coming. It was a very bad storm, everything outside got really dark, even though it was broad daylight minutes earlier. I looked out the window, and there were tornados everywhere. They were springing up out of the ground, hills and homes and trees were being flattened. I told my sister we needed to take the babies down to the basement right away. I felt so calm the whole time. The first tornado came through, it passed right over our house. I looked out the window again, and there was another tornado bearing down on our house. So we went to the basement again. Then my sister said the babies’ diapers needed to be changed. I told her it was probably because of the air pressure change from all the tornados in the area. Then it got really calm outside. I looked out the window again while Carly was changing the diapers, and I saw a big ring of tornados around us on the horizon. It was like a hurricane, with tornados, and we were in the eye of the storm. Next thing I knew, I was awake.

 

Normally, when I have dreams, they are little odd, but they fade to a subconscious memory by the time I wake up. This dream felt so strong and powerful, that I knew I needed to write it down. I don’t know why it felt so important to me.

 

I really miss my family; I ache for my sister and my mom the most. I hate being so far away from all of them. I wish more than anything I could be close to them, either of them. I also realized yesterday, that even though I don’t want kids right now (even though I do), I am going to want to have children someday. I hate bringing it up to Scott, because I waffle back and forth so often. But I need to know where he stands on this issue. If he is never going to want to have kids or get married, then this relationship will have to end. I shouldn’t have to give up my plans for the future to accommodate him, and he shouldn’t either. If he is happy not being married, and not having kids, he should not have to change that just because I want those things.

 

Honestly, I am not sure Scott is the right person for me to have kids with. We have fundamentally different views on raising children. I don’t believe in hospital births unless there is a TRUE medical emergency (I think a lot of OB’s manufacture emergencies in order to appease patients and insurance companies the expect a certain type of care, even if it is not medically necessary), circumcision, vaccinations, “traditional” schools. I think children should be raised in home with a parent always there; I think babies/toddlers should breastfeed until they wean themselves; I think children should be homeschooled if the person in charge of their education is going to put in the time and effort and not just “lurn dem about de bibal”.

 

My views on child raising are definitely not mainstream, and could be seen as controversial to a lot of people, especially people in the Midwest. I could get away with a lot more of that without being second-guessed if I was on the west coast. I just don’t know that I have the energy to put up a fight for what I believe in when it comes to raising kids, if I have to fight now just to get married. Shoot, I shouldn’t have to fight to get married. I love this man, but darn it if I am not confused.

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4 responses

8 05 2008
jessimonster

Those child raising ideas aren’t so out of the mainstream. Its called attachment parenting, and its much more widely used in society than people let on.
I had a natural birth, although it was in a hospital (if you were to do a hospital, I highly recommend Rose, they have jacuzzi tubs in every room, AWESOME!), and I didn’t circumcize my son. There is LOTS of information out there on attachment parenting that I think could sway who ever you have children with, provided they are educated and relatively open minded. Theres lots of links on my blog, you can check them out.
That being said, however, I do feel your pain. I’d like to get married some day, but I know its going to be tough to find a guy who’s open to my life style and parenting choices and is going to accept my son as his own. You’re one step above me since you don’t already have kids. Its not impossible though, I am directing my search to places where I think it will be more likely to find a man like what I am looking for (greensingles.com, sierra club singles, Boulder, ha ha). Not that you’re even looking yet. For all you know, when you bring this stuff up with Scott he’ll say “Hey, I’d love to get married and have a bunch of natural kids!” Who knows?
Did you know dreams about tornados are supposed to mean you’re worried about finances? I used to have tornado dreams all the time as a kid. I don’t have them so much anymore.

8 05 2008
jamilynnfitz

I didn’t know that about the tornados. That’s kind of cool. I am concerned about my finances, but who isn’t? Lately, I have been trying to see if I can find a way to make money doing something I really love, ’cause sitting in a cubicle day after day just isn’t doing it for me. I need a physical job. A job I can make something out of. I want to look back at what I did, and say “I did that!” Pushing electronic paper day in and day out doesn’t give me that sense of completion, satisfaction, and fulfillment.

As for Scott, he wants his kids to have a stay at home mom (good), but he doesn’t want kids (bad). We have talked marriage into the ground (or I have?). I don’t know where this is going. He is happy with things the way they are. I am not. I want, honestly, to be a housewife and work maybe part time until there are kids inthe picture. And then I want to maybe sell some hand-made crafts from home, home grown produce, etc.

All I can do for now is work on getting my garden going, get my craft room/office in order, and get myself organized. Maybe if he saw that I was serious about making and selling items from home, he would take me more seriously too.

PS, Love your blog! BTW, I live in Omaha NE, not Colorado. :( Wish I lived in CO, I love the mountains.

9 05 2008
jessimonster

Why was I thinking you lived in Colorado? Ah well.

9 05 2008
jamilynnfitz

Wishful thinking? Come on, admit it. You just wanted to believe that someone as awesome as me lived near you… ;)

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